Owambe is the typical Nigerian party, where the vibrancy of family unity, fashion, and community comes to life. You can spot an owambe from a mile away just by the way guests are dressed—typically over-the-top in Ankara, lace, Asoke, and the iconic gele headpieces.
These events are a celebration of milestones, from the grand birthday parties of high-society figures and celebrities to family reunions. In fact, depending on who died and how old they are, a funeral can be a “celebration of life” and, of course, the quintessential Nigerian wedding.
Owambe is not just about marking an occasion; they’re about making a statement. For the host, every guest must be impressed by every little detail, from the DJ’s playlist to the venue decoration, and, of course, great food.
Guests are expected to show up dressed to impress, whether there’s an Asoebi (coordinated outfit for groups) or not. The unspoken rule? Outshine everyone in attendance, including the celebrant, if you can.
Guests come bearing lavish gifts; depending on the class of the guests and their host, a present could be anything from household appliances to a new home.
Cash envelopes can make for a thoughtful gift, but where is the fun in that? In the spirit of making a statement, guests ditch envelopes and instead shower the host and other guests, dancers, or special individuals with money during celebrations.
Despite the controversy and legality around it, this lively gesture adds a unique layer of enjoyment, entertainment, and even extravagance to every Nigerian party.
My father often says, “When hosting guests, make sure their plate is full. They may be too shy to ask for seconds, so it’s far better to have some leftovers than to leave your visitors feeling hungry.”
This idea also applies to hosts in Nigeria, as they ensure there is a variety of local and intercontinental dishes, with more than enough to go around, this also makes a lot of sense as in Nigeria, RSVP on the invitation card humorously stands for “Rice and Stew Very Plenty.”
This witty translation serves as a delightful promise of an abundance of delicious food and beverages, a playlist that keeps the dance floor busy, and an overall atmosphere of indulgence and enjoyment. The goal is to create an unforgettable experience that lingers long after the last guest has departed.
The Nigerian Wedding, Before the Owambe
While planning most Nigerian owambe celebrations is the same as planning any other party. However, the process of organizing a Nigerian wedding is a different ballgame altogether. Couples embark on a journey filled with meticulous planning, negotiations, and elaborate rituals that make it a unique affair, far beyond what is displayed for the rest of the world to see.
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Long before the dance floor fills and the music starts, both families—often including not just parents but extended kin from both maternal and paternal sides—come together to negotiate a list of cultural expectations and demands.
Even within the same tribe, reaching a consensus isn’t always easy, and the process can be particularly complex when families come from different ethnic backgrounds. Take, for instance, a situation from my own family: my cousin, an Igala bride, was engaged to an Igbo man.
According to Igala tradition, a bride remains part of her father’s house even after marriage. This belief runs so deep that when an Igala woman passes on, it’s customary for her body to be returned to her father’s home for burial.
Our family’s expectation is symbolized in our modest bride price, which traditionally holds cultural significance rather than material value—typically around ₦200, or about 12 cents, which is usually shared among the men in the house.
For the Igbo family, however, marriage symbolically transfers the bride fully into her new family even after death, creating a sense of belonging that conflicts with the Igala tradition. These differences led to long and careful discussions as both families worked to find a middle ground that would honor each side’s beliefs and customs.
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It’s these complex negotiations and cultural dynamics that often make Nigerian weddings not just celebrations of love, but affirmations of deeply held beliefs and family traditions.
This is the case for most families—except, of course, for intending couples from the same village who are sure they are not related in any way.
The Nigerian Way of Introducing a Partner
In Western culture, and even among some more modern Nigerian families, it’s common for parents to be familiar with their daughters’ dating lives. Partners are often welcomed into the home, joining the family for lunches, dinners, and social gatherings. But according to traditional Nigerian culture, especially among more conservative families, the dynamic is quite different.
Even for the bold women who are confident enough to introduce their partners to their parents, the family of the bride often remains unaware of who the partner truly is—until that partner makes his intentions known formally. I’ll explain: Ayo and Amara have been dating since high school, and Amara’s parents are aware of their relationship, but when Tunde visits Gloria’s parents and asks for her hand in marriage, in the eyes of her parents, Tunde is the only true suitor.
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The process? It’s steeped in traditions with dos and don’ts. The lady approaches her father and says, “I have someone who wants to see you.” This simple statement sets the stage for a pivotal moment. Her partner visits her father’s home to formally express his intentions.
This meeting isn’t just a casual introduction; it’s a respectful request for the father’s acknowledgment of the relationship and permission to bring his family for a formal introduction to seek their daughter’s hand in marriage.
The Introduction Ceremony: A Vital Step in the Nigerian Marriage Tradition
In Nigerian culture, the introduction ceremony is a pivotal part of the marriage. It’s not just a formality; it’s a deep-rooted tradition that marks the beginning of a potential union between two families. The process begins when the couple is officially engaged. The groom, accompanied by his kinsmen, makes his way to the bride’s family home, where the process officially starts.
Upon arrival, the father of the bride greets the group and asks, “What are you here for?” the intending groom states his intentions, through one of the elders from his family, As during the process, only elders communicate, if the bride or groom have something to say, they do so through the elders. In typical Nollywood fashion, thy might say, “We saw a ripe fruit on your apple tree and would like to pluck it.” This symbolic phrase though playful, is a simple way to break ice and state intentions.
After the formal introduction, the groom is asked to present himself one more time. (in some culture) all the women of the house are called to gather, dressed in their finest, and then the intending groom is asked to pick his bride from the group, and when he does, she is asked to confirm her interest in the match. Once both parties confirm their mutual intentions, the families depart, allowing the bride’s family time to conduct their own research about the groom’s family, and vice versa.
The Second Introduction: List Presentation
If the findings are satisfactory, the groom’s family is invited for a second meeting. The purpose of this meeting is to present the marriage requirements according to tradition and personal preferences. This typically includes the wedding list, the bride price, and other demands based on cultural norms and the family’s discretion. For some, these demands may involve drinks and gifts for the bride’s mother, presents for the women in her community, or even a large box filled with new clothes for the bride. These requirements vary from tribe to tribe.
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Once these terms are established, the ceremony progresses. The discussion then shifts to the marriage ceremony, cultural beliefs, and expectations. If any disagreements arise at any point during these discussions, it is made clear that the marriage will not proceed. However, if an agreement is reached and the bride price is communicated, the families can begin the prepare for the next step of the union.
The Bride Price Payment and the Owambe
The bride price payment happens on the same day as the traditional marriage ceremony, that is the owambe, however this part officially happens early in the back rooms only a few members of the family. The bride’s family go over the list of requested items, and if any item is missing, the wedding could possibly be canceled, The party begins once this process is complete. The groom and his groomsmen are ushered into the venue, and just for fun and entertainment, the bride, the bridesmaids, and her family make certain requests before the bride is ushered in. Another thing to note is that, except for some miracle and very tight security, there is an unimaginable number of wedding crashers who are typically welcomed and often treated as guests.
Regardless of the spectacle, the great energy, color, and plenty of fanfare, when it comes to the Nigerian wedding, traditionally, the owambe is the most insignificant part of the celebration. Bizarre, right? Well, this isn’t bizarre, if you consider that the marriage is considered legal once the bride price and the list of demands are met by the groom. Regardless, who really wants to be wedded without the owambe? For one day or two, you have friends, family, well-wishers, and even a bunch of strangers and uninvited guests fondling over you and your partner.
Not to deny the fact that there are a few couples who would even skip the owambe, but then, there are also the parents to contend with. I am talking about parents who have attended several weddings of friends, colleagues, and family and enjoyed the gifts and whatnot, and it’s quite shameful to have theirs and not extend the same.
For the mother-in-law, well, it is her turn to show off to other women in the community. Hence, while this is just an unnecessary part of any Nigerian wedding, the owambe is the carnival with friends, family, and “strangers” and the fun most Nigerian couples look forward to.
Hi, I am a writer for revampNG